What is it you offer or what is it you ask of me?
I already have someone who loves me beyond compare.
He has given me his name. I am honored to be called his.
My husband leads me with knowledge and understanding.
I love to follow him because I know he will keep me safe.
I rest at ease because he has proven that I can trust him.
He tolerates my failures with understanding and guidance.
He patiently teaches me, pushing me toward holiness.
His rebuke is not too harsh. Every choice he makes is for my good.
His love for me is never changed by emotion or circumstance.
He will never leave me. Who could tempt me from his side?
Is there another I could desire when my beloved is so true?
He is perfect in all his ways. None are as merciful or gracious as he.
This life he has made for me is full of blessing and absent of fear.
Surely you could neither offer this to me nor ask this of me.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
i love my car
It took me to high school and to college. It took me to Rachel, Amanda, Sharon and Savannah in Abilene, College Station, Houston and wherever Savannah lives.
It’s had some problems…
When I got it, the driver’s door couldn’t open from the outside and the passenger’s door wouldn’t unlock from the outside. I had to go to the driver’s door and turn the key three times to make all the doors unlock, then go to the passenger’s door to reach across and push open the driver’s door, then go back around to get in.
The knob for the radio came off but at least the radio still worked up until recently, which is more than I can say for the cd player. (I never did use the tape player…which declared itself theft-proof by way of sticker)
My lovely Camry taught me a lesson in humility one hot day in Terrell, TX. I spent 45 minutes asking people if they had jumper cables. I still can’t believe that many people don’t. (I immediately bought my own) But I must have asked 100 people/couples.
“Excuse me sir, do you happen to have jumper cables?” “No Thanks.” “What?”
If you aren’t going to help me that’s fine, but you people aren’t even listening. Do I look like a sales person? I’m not holding a stack of flyers for half off dance lessons! I’m asking for a jump!
Another day, coming off the interstate toward my parent’s house: “It sure is foggy outside…only around my car. Aw man!” Praise the LORD I broke down in Haughton instead of Texas. Within seconds two trucks hopped the median to help. Their drivers pushed my car down the off ramp, past the race track, through one more intersection and into the back of a gas station, next to the sad remains of a pay phone. (followed by a light-flashing cop). Haughton people are so helpful.
Hopefully that will be the last time I call my dad to pick me up from the circle K at midnight.
“Did you remember to lock the doors? On second thought, leave it open and drop the keys on the seat.” – Dad
This jolly occasion was the week after I spent 600 on new wheels and brakes.
Another 400 for a new radiator and what not, and I find myself (and aprul) on the side of the road again with a nearly overheated car after a short 30 minute ride back from the lake. This breakdown, however, happened in Marshall, the land of when people are on their way home they are certainly not stopping for the helpless people staring at an engine.
Anyway…I have a new car.
It’s had some problems…
When I got it, the driver’s door couldn’t open from the outside and the passenger’s door wouldn’t unlock from the outside. I had to go to the driver’s door and turn the key three times to make all the doors unlock, then go to the passenger’s door to reach across and push open the driver’s door, then go back around to get in.
The knob for the radio came off but at least the radio still worked up until recently, which is more than I can say for the cd player. (I never did use the tape player…which declared itself theft-proof by way of sticker)
My lovely Camry taught me a lesson in humility one hot day in Terrell, TX. I spent 45 minutes asking people if they had jumper cables. I still can’t believe that many people don’t. (I immediately bought my own) But I must have asked 100 people/couples.
“Excuse me sir, do you happen to have jumper cables?” “No Thanks.” “What?”
If you aren’t going to help me that’s fine, but you people aren’t even listening. Do I look like a sales person? I’m not holding a stack of flyers for half off dance lessons! I’m asking for a jump!
Another day, coming off the interstate toward my parent’s house: “It sure is foggy outside…only around my car. Aw man!” Praise the LORD I broke down in Haughton instead of Texas. Within seconds two trucks hopped the median to help. Their drivers pushed my car down the off ramp, past the race track, through one more intersection and into the back of a gas station, next to the sad remains of a pay phone. (followed by a light-flashing cop). Haughton people are so helpful.
Hopefully that will be the last time I call my dad to pick me up from the circle K at midnight.
“Did you remember to lock the doors? On second thought, leave it open and drop the keys on the seat.” – Dad
This jolly occasion was the week after I spent 600 on new wheels and brakes.
Another 400 for a new radiator and what not, and I find myself (and aprul) on the side of the road again with a nearly overheated car after a short 30 minute ride back from the lake. This breakdown, however, happened in Marshall, the land of when people are on their way home they are certainly not stopping for the helpless people staring at an engine.
Anyway…I have a new car.
Friday, April 6, 2012
too early
I just cracked an egg into the trash can. so I’m standing there with the shell in my hand wondering what I did wrong. oh, ok I see now... round two: egg in the bowl. shell in the trash.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
personal interest or God's priority?
Doing lots of good things, or as someone has said, “keepin’ busy for Jesus” individually may be a case of “good but not good enough.” Our Evangelical perspective has become so individualized that we may only think of individual good works. Doing good little things wherever convenient may sometimes be merely a way to justify and make credible in our own eyes our minimal personal salvation. Starting with our own talents and interests is common but it is the way of the world – it is getting things backwards. Don’t be upset – this is going upstream – but how can one’s subjective personal interests accurately predict God’s priorities?-From Ralph D. Winter’s “Three Mission Eras: And the Loss and Recovery of Kingdom Mission, 1800-2000”
We must start with His concerns, whatever our gifts, wants, and abilities. How can the four-year college major we once chose without reflecting on God’s priorities be assumed to define the direction of the next 50 years? We must “give our utmost for His highest.” Our obedience is certainly flawed if we focused only on what the world approves. Our obligation is to seek the expansion of the knowledge of the glory of God and His Kingdom, and the would logically require us to each prayerfully seek God about doing the hardest thing we are able to do in the most crucial task we can find. First John 3:8 says, “The Son of God appeared for this purpose, that he might destroy the works of the Devil.” To follow Jesus is to go to war. This side of the Millennium that’s what the Christian life is. In a war what needs to be done comes first. And a true sense of accomplishment is not that you did what you wanted to do, or what you thought you were best at, but what you felt convinced was the most crucial, most important. Doing good things is the biblical way to portray God’s character and glory only if we are willing to act without inserting personal conditions.
They started asking me in kindergarten what I was going to do when I grew up. The answer is the same today: I don’t know. And then begins the process of that person figuring it out for me. Well…what are you good at? What do you like to do? Or here’s a good one, what do you see in the world that makes you angry? After reading Winter’s long article that was super historical and hard to follow at times, the above conclusion blew my mind. I need to always be aware of the culture I come from and how it has impacted my attitudes, beliefs, morals, behaviors, reasoning, the way I make choices, asses risk, give value and practically everything else. My society is completely individualistic, but my God is all about community. It isn’t about me! Yes, God will use me in accord to how he has blessed me and he has put things in my life that will specifically prepare me for how he will use me, but who am I to decide what that is? Do I know more than him? I’ve heard “that’s not my gifting” used as an excuse far too often. I’m going to start listening intently to my own heart to see if I’m using it to get out of things. When making decisions about my future I need to give thought not to what I want to do, but to the priorities of God and his mission in this world.
Monday, April 2, 2012
You can’t put conditions on love
I would help my mother-in-law financially, but look who she gives her money to
I would support my missionary friend, but she hasn’t returned my calls
I would invite mom to the strand, but she gave her extra orchestra ticket to April
If it’s us who show the world what our God is like, we have to imitate our father’s unconditional love
I would help my mother-in-law financially, but look who she gives her money to
I would support my missionary friend, but she hasn’t returned my calls
I would invite mom to the strand, but she gave her extra orchestra ticket to April
If it’s us who show the world what our God is like, we have to imitate our father’s unconditional love
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
because i met you
You took your role seriously and never got tired of answering my questions. Thank you for your investment. I know my maker because I met you.
Everything I have is because of your laboring before me. I am the sharecropper’s seed. I was given an easy life without suffering or pain. I live in the shade of wise choices because I met you.
We were baptized in the same water. I didn’t know someone’s choices that had nothing to do with me, could affect me so much. I don’t think I pray for anyone as passionately as I do you. I have a reason to be proud because I met you.
Your life will be so different than mine, but I have something to teach you. My time today is purposeful because I met you.
I spent only a short time with you, but my eyes were opened. Now i have no excuse. I cannot go down the path of my culture and pretend I don't know. I will use my blessing to work with you and be a reconciler. I will take part because I met you.
Everything I have is because of your laboring before me. I am the sharecropper’s seed. I was given an easy life without suffering or pain. I live in the shade of wise choices because I met you.
We were baptized in the same water. I didn’t know someone’s choices that had nothing to do with me, could affect me so much. I don’t think I pray for anyone as passionately as I do you. I have a reason to be proud because I met you.
Your life will be so different than mine, but I have something to teach you. My time today is purposeful because I met you.
I spent only a short time with you, but my eyes were opened. Now i have no excuse. I cannot go down the path of my culture and pretend I don't know. I will use my blessing to work with you and be a reconciler. I will take part because I met you.
Friday, February 24, 2012
missionary training
This is the part of my life called working. And I’d be ok if it never came back, once I’ve paid off my loans. I also call this part: missionary training.
This past Tuesday was the first time since before Christmas that I was able to finish a shower without being accompanied in the tub by a foot of standing water. It finally drains! It took drain-O, a plunger, an old wire from the shed, duct tape and eventually sulfuric acid to get that water moving. You have to go to the economy strength section of Lowe’s to find sulfuric acid. They sell it sealed up inside two plastic bags. They had good reason for the precaution…it burns.
I spent the last two months bucketing the water out of my tub. I’ve chopped through the forest of my yard and burned a pile of brush that could have effectively camouflaged my dad’s duck blind for the next ten years. About fourteen tiles have fallen from the bathroom ceiling. I’ve survived what seemed to this Louisiana girl like the coldest winter ever, without central heating. (I’m not so much proud of this one as I am newly aware of what many people here deal with every day...not to mention, this has been the warmest winter in a while) I had two roommates for about a week. Those party animals ate my food and stay up all night making way too much noise…until two ten-dollar rat traps ended that problem. Switching the lights back on would be a more enjoyable task if I didn’t have to search for keys and boots to go outside to the breaker box…
But, I really do love living in this house! It has been such a blessing to me. I have learned so much about so many random things. I taught myself how to light a gas water heater pilot without even being able to see the flame. I (experientially) learned that God has not given me a spirit of fear and that when wind makes the dead magnolia leaves outside my window sound like people sneaking around, I can have complete peace. I learned how to cook for one person and still eat yummy things like duck breast stuffed with cream cheese and jalapeños and wrapped in bacon. Living alone has helped me learn to appreciate the time I spend with others. I have had more time to read and just like my first semester at ETBU in Merle, I have been able to spend beautiful time with God. I get to have people over on Mondays for food, catch phrase, nerf gun wars, deep convos and swing dancing. I get to crank the music without worrying about bothering “the studying people” (a group I was rarely a part of). I get to make small talk with neighbors in the morning.
I love this time in my life. I constantly see God make use of the things I have been through, so I know that he is using this time to prepare me for what he has for me next. I love seeing his sovereign plan working out. Maybe this isn't missionary training, but he is using it.
This past Tuesday was the first time since before Christmas that I was able to finish a shower without being accompanied in the tub by a foot of standing water. It finally drains! It took drain-O, a plunger, an old wire from the shed, duct tape and eventually sulfuric acid to get that water moving. You have to go to the economy strength section of Lowe’s to find sulfuric acid. They sell it sealed up inside two plastic bags. They had good reason for the precaution…it burns.
I spent the last two months bucketing the water out of my tub. I’ve chopped through the forest of my yard and burned a pile of brush that could have effectively camouflaged my dad’s duck blind for the next ten years. About fourteen tiles have fallen from the bathroom ceiling. I’ve survived what seemed to this Louisiana girl like the coldest winter ever, without central heating. (I’m not so much proud of this one as I am newly aware of what many people here deal with every day...not to mention, this has been the warmest winter in a while) I had two roommates for about a week. Those party animals ate my food and stay up all night making way too much noise…until two ten-dollar rat traps ended that problem. Switching the lights back on would be a more enjoyable task if I didn’t have to search for keys and boots to go outside to the breaker box…
But, I really do love living in this house! It has been such a blessing to me. I have learned so much about so many random things. I taught myself how to light a gas water heater pilot without even being able to see the flame. I (experientially) learned that God has not given me a spirit of fear and that when wind makes the dead magnolia leaves outside my window sound like people sneaking around, I can have complete peace. I learned how to cook for one person and still eat yummy things like duck breast stuffed with cream cheese and jalapeños and wrapped in bacon. Living alone has helped me learn to appreciate the time I spend with others. I have had more time to read and just like my first semester at ETBU in Merle, I have been able to spend beautiful time with God. I get to have people over on Mondays for food, catch phrase, nerf gun wars, deep convos and swing dancing. I get to crank the music without worrying about bothering “the studying people” (a group I was rarely a part of). I get to make small talk with neighbors in the morning.
I love this time in my life. I constantly see God make use of the things I have been through, so I know that he is using this time to prepare me for what he has for me next. I love seeing his sovereign plan working out. Maybe this isn't missionary training, but he is using it.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
You are Worthy
As I join with these here, I feel a part of the whole. All of creation glorifies you: our maker. We offer praise to the one who sustains.
When I sing, you are in the action. You make it possible. You bring me into your presence. Teach me words so I can speak out the truth of you.
Joining many hands. Reaching towards you. You are alive in me. The mystery of your grace inspires me. The beauty of your love compels me.
You richly bless me. You teach me every day. An undeserved investment. I feel you working. I see what you have done for me. Your joy fills me.
I proclaim your worth. But I have only seen in part the extensive impact of your hand in my life. Your love for your children is unrivalled.
I declare your story. Through this torn veil I sing my life song. Test the offering I bring. Judge the obedience of my heart.
When I sing, you are in the action. You make it possible. You bring me into your presence. Teach me words so I can speak out the truth of you.
Joining many hands. Reaching towards you. You are alive in me. The mystery of your grace inspires me. The beauty of your love compels me.
You richly bless me. You teach me every day. An undeserved investment. I feel you working. I see what you have done for me. Your joy fills me.
I proclaim your worth. But I have only seen in part the extensive impact of your hand in my life. Your love for your children is unrivalled.
I declare your story. Through this torn veil I sing my life song. Test the offering I bring. Judge the obedience of my heart.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
an apology to men people
Forgiveness happened a long time ago. Check. But what I held onto was bitterness. Both sisters, several confidants, a few guiltless people of the male variety and every former roommate can attest to that. Having an object of blame, feels better than coming to terms with unsatisfied expectations. Letting go of what people expect is beautiful. I’m not there yet, but I do know what it looks like. As for now: goodbye bitterness.
Simeon's joy
by grace have I awaited
the fulfillment of your promise
and now I hold your salvation.
praise be to the faithful LORD,
the light and glory who,
before my eyes and all, reveals salvation.
rejoice all you nations.
come and embrace your redemption.
behold salvation.
from Luke 2:25-35
Saturday, January 14, 2012
reassured
The woman born blind needn’t be bothered with what could be, because this stumbling for footing is the only world she has. To make her journey easier, we built her a path of smoothed rocks. But it is all for nothing. After her days of endurance she will learn that the trail we paved will lead nowhere. We laid it with no destination. Sharing her limitation, we too can only aimlessly move along. We accept there is no endpoint and have learned to enjoy this traveling. But you? Beauty came and healed your blindness. We could tell you were different then. But why do you now wear a scarf over your eyes? You told me once of brilliant colors and that you didn’t want to walk our path anymore. I wanted to find it for myself. But now you continue laboring forward with us. If there were something better, you wouldn’t choose this. Surely this is the ultimate objective. Surely any question we had of our ways you have proven to be empty.
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